Hello world. The following was written 10/25/2015.
I am looking at the hurt felt when those you love and care about are lashing out from their own pain and suffering being experienced. How tempers flair and things get said which are not meant. How in our pain, we push away those who would comfort us. How we do these things in the moment, causing pain and suffering unknowingly. When this happens to us, we have to step back and ask ourselves if what has been said to us is the Truth. When we stop and ask, we find it is not. It was just their pain, speaking out at the time.
Words said in anger cannot be unsaid. In deep contemplation they may only be reviewed and considered for validity. The anguish they bring forth is just the surface of a deeper belief waiting to be uncovered. The belief you are the cause of the suffering they are enduring. The belief you are holding them back. Interfering constantly with whatever it is they think they want to do. If you do not agree with and follow along, doing what they want, you are the problem.
I have been wearing this hurt like a cloak, about me all night. Playing over and over again in my mind, those words said in anger. I was interfering with your choice, of what to eat from. Was I interfering? Apparently I was, all unknowingly. In trying to be helpful, I was instead jabbing a hot poker at an angry monster. You demanded I no longer talk to you, come near you, or touch you. You were sick of me interfering with your choice in what you want to do, before storming out of the house.
Going within and looking at these things said in anger to me, I see how deeply these words hurt me. When in everything, I have done my best to accept and allow them to be as they are and to express how they feel, I am told I am not allowed the same and I will not be accepted. I will be judged and found lacking. These lessons are harder and harder to bare. The clearing of the belief I am responsible, for how another Being feels and responds to any given situation. Even when the Being, is the love of my life. Whatever they are going through is for them to process. Words said in anger are more self-directed, then outwardly projected.
As much as I want to take on these demons and fight them myself, I cannot. They are not mine. I may only work on my own things. No one else may do them for me. In this same way I cannot do another’s work for them. They are alone in this, for no one may do their inner work for them. As hurt as I felt by these words said in anger, I understand they were not truly meant. Now I must let go and allow what happened to be and move forward with love and acceptance for what is. The love I feel in my heart overflows and I cannot hold it at bay, no matter the hurts I endure. We all have our trials we go through. Do we give up or do we keep pressing forward? It is a choice, continue to live or give up and die. I want to live.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.